On authentic relationships

A philosophy has been resonating with me lately.

People who value quality over quantity in their relationships seek depth. They are not interested in small or surface level interactions.

They value real, meaningful conversations and people who see them for who they are—not for a moment. This approach to relationships takes a different kind of strength. It’s easy to fill your life with acquaintances or to have people around just to avoid feeling alone, but it takes wisdom to realize that true connection is rare and something that cannot be forced or rushed.

I’m not sure if this is the "proper" way to address personal relationships; however, I haven’t been as comfortable in my personal relationships as I’d like to be. I’ve noticed this for most of my life, but lately, it’s been on my mind more than usual.

Trying to unpack this…

It feels like my mind and body naturally hold back or reject others because I don’t feel as accepted as I want to be. That is, I don’t usually feel like I can be my whole self without major aspects being criticized or rejected. Over the years, I’ve tried to express the many facets of my life and interests, but it seems the things I identify with vary too much. I end up having to cover up certain aspects of who I am so that I don’t make others feel uncomfortable.

I guess this means I don’t feel like most would accept me for all that I am. I also feel like people wouldn’t understand who I want to be, and I’m not interested in anyone taking me off-course again. Right now, this feeling is confusing: on one hand, I need to interact with people to build a community that feels welcoming; on the other hand, I care deeply about quality over quantity. Compromising my views or trying to be something I’m not just to make others comfortable simply does not align with my purpose—or the purpose of this community.

I’m worried that conforming to ideas of what relationships should look like will, in turn, make everything I do less authentic. Not even just in how it looks to others, but less authentic to my soul. How can I teach theories about self-discovery and following one’s internal compass if I refuse to listen to what my body says around other people?

• Is quality about finding people who gravitate to you naturally?

• Is quality about finding people who put effort into understanding you?

• Is quality about finding yourself in others?

• Can one ever have a quality relationship without the ability to express themselves fully?